perfect blue director, satoshi kon, dies at 46

am not into manga but happened to catch perfect blue at a film fest screening. the man's a genius. throughout i didn't feel like i was watching manga. the story captivating, the production brilliant. to this day, one of the few mangas i've watched to the end.

the sum of life is death.
let's just be happy while we're here.


----------------------
http://www.makikoitoh.com/journal/satoshi-kons-last-words

Sayonara (Goodbye)

How could I forget, May 18th of this year.

I received the following pronouncement from a cardiovascular doctor at Musashino Red Cross Hospital.

"It's the latter stages of pancreatic cancer. It's metastasized to several bones. You have at the most half a year left to live."

My wife and I listened together. It was a fate so unexpected and untenable, that the two of us together could barely take it.

I used to honestly think that "I can't help it if I die any day." Still, it was so sudden.

To be sure, there were some signs. 2 to 3 months before that I'd had strong pains in several places on my back and in the joints of my legs; I'd lost strength in my right leg and found it hard to walk, and I'd been going to an acupuncturist and a chiropractor, but I wasn't getting any better. So after having been examined in an MRI and a PET-CT and such advanced machinery, came the sudden pronouncement of the time I had left.

It was as if death had positioned itself right behind me before I knew it, and there was nothing I could do.

After the pronouncement, my wife and I researched ways to prolong my life. It was literally a life or death situation. We received the support of staunch frends and strong allies. I rejected anti-cancer medication, and tried to live with a view of the world slightly different from the norm. The fact that I rejected what was "expected (normal)" seemed to me to be very much like me.

I've never really felt that I belonged with the majority. It was the same for medical care, as with anything else. "Why not try to keep living according to my own principles!" However, as is the case when I'm trying to create a work [a film], ones willpower alone didn't do the job. The illness kept progressing day by day.

On the other hand, as a member of society, I do accept at least half of what society in general holds to be right. I do pay taxes. I'm far from being an upstanding citizen, but I am a full member of Japanese society. So, aside from the things I needed to do to prolong my life from my own point of view, I also attempted to do all the things necessary to "be ready to die properly". I don't think I managed to do it properly though. (But) one of the things I did was, with the cooperation of 2 friends that I could trust, set up a company to take care of things like the measly number of copyrights that I hold. Another thing that I did was, to insure that my wife would take over any modest assets that I had smoothly by writing a will. Of course, I didn't think there would be any fighting over my legacy or anything, but I wanted to make sure that my wife, who would remain behind in this world, would have nothing to worry about - and besides, I wanted to remove any anxiety from myself, the one who was going to take a little hop over there, before I had to leave.

The paperwork and research necessary for these tasks, which neither my wife nor I were good at doing, were taken care of speedily by wonderful friends. Later on, when I developed pneumonia and was at death's door, and put my final signature on the will, I thought that if I died right then and there, it couldn't be helped.

"Ah...I can die at last."

After all, I'd been brought by ambulance to the Musashino Red Cross Hospital 2 days before that; then brought back again to the same hospital by ambulance the day after. Even I had to be hospitalized and undergo many examinations. The result of those examinations: pneumonia, water in my chest, and when I asked the doctor [straight out], the answer I received was very businesslike, and I was in a way grateful for that.

"You may last 1 or 2 days...even if you survive this, you probably have until the end of the month."

As I listened, I thought "It's like he's telling me the weather forecast", but still the situation was dire.

That was July the 7th. It was a rather brutal Tanabata for sure.

So, I decided right there and then.

I wanted to die at home.

I might inconvenience the people around me, but I asked them to see how I could escape and go back home. [I was able to do so] thanks to my wife's efforts, the hospital's cooperation despite their position of having given up on me, the tremendous help of other medical facilities, and the coincidences that were so numerous that they only seemed to be gifts from heaven. I've never seen so many coincidences and events falling into place so neatly in real life, I could barely believe it. This wasn't Tokyo Godfathers after all.

While my wife was running around getting things in place for my escape, I was pleading with doctors "If I can go home for even half a day, there are things I can still do!", then waiting alone in the depressing hospital room for death. I was lonely, but this was what I was thinking.

"Maybe dying won't be so bad."

I didn't have any reasons for it, and perhaps I needed to think like that, but I was surprisingly calm and relaxed.

However, there was just one thought that was gnawing away at me.

"I don't want to die here..."

As I thought that, something moved out from the calendar on the wall and started to spread around the room.

"Oh dear, a line marching out from the calendar. My　hallucinations aren't at all original."

I had to smile at the fact at my professional instincts were working even at times like this, but in any case I was probably the nearest to the land of the dead that I'd ever been at that point. I really felt death very close to me. [But] with the help of many people, I miraculously escaped Musashino Red Cross and came back home, wrapped up in the land of the dead and bedsheets.

I should emphasize that I have no criticism of or hatred for Musashino Red Cross Hospital, so don't misconstrue me.

I just wanted to go home to my own house. The house where I live.

I was a little surprised that, when I was being carried into my living room, as a bonus, I experienced that deathbed experience everyone is familiar with of "looking down on your body being carried into the room from a place high above". I was looking down on myself and the scene around me from a position several meters above ground, through a wide-angle-ish lens and flash lighting. The square of the bed in the middle of the room seemed very large and prominent, and my sheet-wrapped body was being lowered into the middle of the square. None too gently it seemed, but I'm not complaining.

So, all I had to do was to wait for death in my own home.

However.

It seems that I was able to overcome the pneumonia.

Eh?

I did think like this, in a way.

"I didn't manage to die! (laugh)"

Afterwards, when I could think of nothing else but death, I thought that I did indeed die once then. In the back of my mind, the world "reborn" wavered several times.

Amazingly, after then my life-force was rejuvenated. From the bottom of my heart, I believe this is due to the people who helped me; first and foremost my wife, and my supportive friends, the doctors and nurses, and the care managers.

Now that my life-force had been restarted, I couldn't waste my time. I told myself that I'd been given an extra life, and that I had to spend it carefully. So I thought that I wanted to erase at least one of the irresponsibilities that I'd left behind in this world.

To be truthful, I'd only told the people closest to me about the cancer. I hadn't even told my parents. In particular, because of various work-related complications, I couldn't say anything (to people) even if I wanted to. I wanted to announce my cancer on the internet and report on my remaining life, but if Satoshi's death was scheduled, there might be some waves made, however small. For these reasons, I acted very irresponsibly to people clear to me. I am so sorry.

There were so many people that I wanted to see before I died, to say even one word of greeting to. Family and relatives, old friends and classmates from elementary and middle and high school, the mates I met in college, the people I met in the manga world, with whom I exchanged so much inspiration, the people in the anime world whose desks I sat next to, went drinking with, with whom I competed on on the same works, the mates with whom I shared good and bad times. The countless people I was able to know because of my position as a film director, the people who call themselves my fans not only in Japan but around the world, the friends I'd made via the web.

There are so many people that I want to see at least once (well there are some I don't want to see too), but if I see them I'm afraid that that the thought that "I can never see this person again" will take me over, and that I wouldn't be able to greet death gracefully. Even if I had recovered, I had very little life force left, and it took a lot of effort to see people. The more people wanted to see me, the harder it was for me to see them. What irony. In addition, my lower body was paralyzed due to the cancer spreading to my bones, and I was prone on my bed, and I didn't want people to see my emaciated body. I wanted most of the people I knew to remember me as the Satoshi that was full of life.

I'd like to use this space to apologize to my relatives, friends and acquaintances, for not telling you about my cancer, for my irresponsibility. Please understand that this was Satoshi's selfish desire. I mean, Satoshi Kon was "that kind of guy". When I envision your faces, I only have good memories and remember (your) great smiles. Everyone, thank you for all the truly great memories. I loved the world I lived in. Just the fact that I can think that makes me happy.

The many people that I met throughout my lifetime, whether they were positive or negative, have helped to shape the human being that is Satoshi Kon, and I am grateful for all of those encounters. Even if the end result is an early death in my mid 40s, I've accepted this as my own unique destiny. I've had so many positive things happen to me after all.

The thing I think about death now. "I can only say, it's too bad." Really.

However, even though I can let go of many of my irresponsible actions [by not telling people], I cannot help regretting two things. About my parents, and about Madhouse [founder] Maruyama-san.

Even though it was rather late, there was no choice but to come clean with the whole truth. I wanted to beg them for forgiveness.

As soon as I saw Maruyama-san's face when he came to see me at home, I couldn't stop the flow of tears or my feeling of shame. "I'm so sorry, for ending up like this..." Maruyama-san said nothing, and just shook his head and gripped both my hands. I was filled with thankfulness. Feelings of gratitude and joy, that I'd been lucky enough to work with this person, came over me like a landslide. It may be selfish, but I felt as though I had been forgiven in that instant.

My biggest regret is the film "Dreaming Machine". I'm worried not only about the film itself, but about the staff with whom I was able to work with on the film. After all, there's a strong possibility that the storyboards that were created with (our) blood, sweat and tears will never be seen. This is because Satoshi Kon put his arms around the original story, the script, the characters and the settings, the sketches, the music...every single image. Of course there are things that I shared with the animation director, the art director and other staff [members], but basically most of the work can only be understood by Satoshi Kon. It's easy to say that it was my fault for arranging things this way, but from my point of view I made every effort to share my vision with others. However, in my current state I can only feel deep remorse for my inadequacies in these areas. I am really sorry to all of the staff. However, I want them to understand, if only a little bit. Satoshi Kon was "that kind of guy", and, that's why he was able to make rather weird anime that was a bit different. I know this is a selfish excuse, but think of my cancer and please forgive me.

I haven't been idly waiting for death, even now I'm thinking with my weak brain of ways to let the work live even after I am gone. But they are all shallow ideas. When I told Maruyama-san about my concerns about "Dreaming Machine", he just said "Don't worry. We'll figure out something, so don't worry."

I wept.

I wept uncontrollably.

Even with my previous movies, I've been so irresponsible with the productions and the budgets, but I always had Maruyama-san figure it out for me in the end.

This time is no different. I really haven't changed.

I was able to talk to my heart's content with Maruyama-san. Thanks to this, I was able to feel, at least a little, that Satoshi Kon's talents and skills were of some value in our industry.

"I regret losing your talent. I wish that you were able to leave it for us."

If Madhouse's Maruyama-san says that, I can go to the netherworld with a little bit of self-pride after all. And of course, even without anyone else telling me this, I do feel regret that my weird visions and ability to draw things in minute detail will be lost, but that can't be helped. I am grateful from the bottom of my heart that Maruyama-san gave me the opportunity to show the world these things. Thank you, so very much. Satoshi Kon was happy as an animation director.

It was so heartbreaking to tell my parents.

I'd really intended to go up to Sapporo, where my parents live, while I was still able to, but my illness progressed so unexpectedly and annoyingly fast that I ended up calling them on the telephone from the hospital room as I was closest to death.

"I'm in the late stages of cancer and will die soon. I was so happy being born as a child to Father and Mother. Thank you."

They must have been devastated to hear this out of the blue, but I was certain I was going to die right then.

But then I came back home and survived the pneumonia. I made the big decision to see my parents. They wanted to see me too. But it was going to be so hard to see them, and I didn't have the will to. But I wanted to see my parents' faces one last time. I wanted to tell them how grateful I was that they brought me into this world.

I've been a happy person. Even though I must apologize to my wife, my parents and all the people that I love, that lived out my life a bit too faster than most.

My parents followed my selfish wishes, and came the next day from Sapporo to my house. I can never forget the first words out of my mother's mouth when she saw me lying there.

"I'm so sorry, for not bringing you into this world with a stronger body!"

I was completely speechless.

I could only spend a short time with my parents, but that was enough. I had felt that if I saw their faces, that it would be enough, and it really turned out that way.

Thank you, Father, Mother. I am so happy that I was born into this world as the child of the both of you. My heart is full of memories and gratitude. Happiness itself is important, but I am so grateful that you taught me to appreciate happiness. Thank you, so very much .

It's so disrespectful to to die before ones parents, but in the last 10 plus years, I've been able to do what I want as an anime director, achieve my goals, and get some good reviews. I do feel regret that my films didn't make a lot of money, but I think they got what they deserved. In these last 10 plus years in particular I've felt as though I've lived more intensively than other people, and I think that my parents understood what was in my heart.

Because of the visits by Maruyama-san and my parents, I feel as though I've taken a big burden off my shoulders.

Lastly, to my wife, about whom I worry the most, but who has been my support until the end.

Since that time-left pronouncement, we drowned ourselves in tears together so many times. Every day was brutal for both of us, physically and mentally. There are almost no words for it. But the reason why I was able to survive those difficult days was because of the words that you said to me right after we received the news.

"I'll be at your side [run with you] until the end."

True to those words, as though you were leaving my worries in the dust, you skillfully directed the demands and requests that came rushing towards us like a landslide, and quickly learned how to take care of your husband. I was so moved, watching you deal with things so efficiently.

"My wife is awesome."

No need to keep saying that now, you say? No no. You are even more awesome now than you ever were - I truly feel this. Even after I have died, I believe that you will send Satoshi Kon to the next world with grace. Ever since we got married, I was so wrapped up in "Work, work" that I was only able to spend some time at home after the cancer - such a shame.

But you stood close to me, you always understood that I needed to immerse myself in my work, that my talent was there. I was happy. Truly happy. During my life, and as I wait for death, I just can't express my gratitude to you enough. Thank you.

There are so many things, countless things, that I worry about, but everything needs an end. Lastly, to Doctor H who agreed to see me to the end in my home, even though it's something not done these days, and his wife and nurse, K-san, I would like to express my deep gratitude. Medical care in a private home is very inconvenient, but you patiently dealt with the numerous aches and pains that cancer brings on, and endeavores to make my time until the final goal called death be as comfortable as possible. I can't say how much you helped me. And you didn't just deal with this difficult and arrogant patient as if it were just your jobs, but communicated with me as human beings. I cannot say how much of a support you were to me, and how much you saved me. I was encouraged by your qualities as human beings several times. I am deeply deeply grateful.

And, this is really the last, but from shortly after I received that pronouncement in mid-May until now, I've been lucky to have the cooperation, help and mental support, both personally and in business, from 2 friends. My friend T, who has been a friend since high school and is a member of KON'Stone Inc, and producer H, I thank you both from the bottom of my heart. Thank you so much. It's hard for me with my measly vocabulary to express my gratitude adequately to you both. My wife and I have both received so much from you.

If you two hadn't been there for us, I am sure that I'd be anticipating death while looking at my wife here as she sits by my side with considerably more trepidation and worry. I am really in your debt.

And, if I may ask you for one more thing - could you help my wife send me over to the other side after my death? I'd be able to get on that flight with my mind at rest if you could do that for me. I ask this from my heart.

So, to everyone who stuck with me through this long document, thank you. With my heart full of gratitude for everything good in the world, I'll put down my pen.

Now excuse me, I have to go.

Satoshi Kon

quote

"No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible." George Chakiris

22 aug 2010

drama dae joyoung is a master class in drama making
no time these days to indulge my god passion

jul 8, 2010

as luck would have, caught danny on star golden bell challenge.
he's associated with ja jang myung (korean black bean noodle) cos of "to mother" song
he's known as the dishwasher of god, that's his intro when they went on shows
and of course, that well known episode when during their wildly popular 4th album days, he was asked by an agent on the street if he wanted to become a singer :)
and he's always mistaken for -- don't you like that singer from god? danny ahn ... hahaha

danny looking relaxed and enjoying himself on the show
happy where he is ... good :)

10 june 2010

http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=2hnNL5vnJzA&playnext_from=TL&videos=Jo1O40FY1pw

2 feb 2002
1st mtv asia music awards in spore -- korean representative

at a long last :)

8 june 2010

tae woo on entertainment weekly
performing at a spring college festival

DJ doc also did that popular song, the same one god also did during the 100 days human concert -- the one where everyone does the driving motion

5 june 2010

gimme a chance
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMjAzOTE1NDA=.html

2 june 2010

entertainment weekly today -- some stars on air bloopers thing
segment on joon's bouncing around during a performance and falling down quite suddenly and not being able to get up at all after that! -- horrors !
next shot, same performance (same outfit, same hairdo and color), seated and with walking stick
this is one permanent scar he brings with him life post god, don't think that kind of leg injury ever recovers fully :(

30 may 2010

god's gil used on 2 days 1 night but not the group's version, some new recording, rats

apr 12, 2010 0052hrs

the taiwanese are really putting out some seriously good works
full of substance and flavour and ideas and good acting
wayward kenting, police et vous

cannot keep up with god stuff with exams just round the corner

just want to note down what tae woo said on one of the invincible youth episodes
sunny had called a friend, actor kim ji seok, who mentioned he had started out in a singing group whose goal was to overtake god; to which tae woo commented no one could have come close to god back then in its heyday, and i believe he is totally right; and though in the episode, he sounded like he could have been bragging some, but seriously god was that HUGE

mar 6, 2010 1612hrs

ok, finally saw the translated golden bell with danny.

subject -- danny's grudge-keeping nature

the golden bell question was -- the person you're most disappointed with after meeting him/her for the first time today?

in the dream team prank played on minho, this sour side of danny's disposition was used to trick minho into thinking the team members were fighting and even danny himself agreed that was his character

another part of the episode was how danny angrily shrugged off chang min's shoulder massage, presumably in an attempt to cool him down after one of the idols said he was a god fan when young and his 2 favourite members were hoyoung and kyesang; then again chang min tho nice is naive.

danny also said in order of joining god, joon first, then hoyoung and danny, then kyesang and finally tae woo.

today on invincible youth, tae woo said all idols lied when they said they did not have girl friends or boy friends. when he was 22 in god, he also had a gf, all the other members did as well. guess all that trying to figure out if kyesang had 2 3 or 4 gf was just moot?

a lot of what is said on these programmes have to be taken with a pinch of salt since how much of it was said in the name of entertainment and getting the audience's interest?

did tae woo really have a gf? judging from hoyoung and danny's negative responses to gf topics mentioned by tae woo, clearly he was the geek back when god, while the girls were making a beeline for the other guys.

feb 28, 2010 2351hrs

hot hot hot -- gimme a chance
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMjAzOTE1NDA=.html
god's last series of performances as five :(


danny does have some oomph in slave hunters, though can't de-link him yet as god's danny ahn
hope kye sang's making some serious tracks as an actor


"Aug 4 2009, 10:18 PM

kye sang calls himself the "lowest member in terms of talent and ambition" -- if start counting from 1997 which was when the group got put together, then till 2003 he's had almost 7 years with g.o.d., enough time to know his own strengths as a singer, whether he would be able to sustain as a singer in the industry. so though he has improved much as a singer over the years, if one were to want to last, one presumably would have to be in on the creative end say maybe writing music, play an instrument/s, etc, stuff which i take it he's not into (??), so music talent wise, sure sounds like he has assessed and graded himself clearly - "... lowest member in terms of talent ..."

and yes maybe as jinnn says ... and more than just humility i feel, he seems also to have taken a hard look at maybe his next 5, 10 years in the industry, plus the compulsory army stint (not to be runned away from), and which as jinnn rightly says is quite long ... long enough to hinder the group and so also a "good" time to leave, along with a big push factor, his success in his 2 acting projects "flying boys" and "my sister in law is 19" ... in all a hard headed clear eyed decision. as for the ambition bit, i would definitely have to disagree with him i find him to be pretty driven ... who wouldn't be or have to be in this super competitive industry if they want to succeed ?

and yes! he amazes me too with his strength of character to stand by his decision and not try to deny it. he's pretty matured already then

youtube clips g.o.d. guerilla concert -- which year? help?g.o.d 3集ゲリラコンサート-1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8cejSz7l8Ug.o.d 3集ゲリラコンサート-2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nfZz2ahhXcg.o.d 3集ゲリラコンサート-3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxXiM0tPQ4gg.o.d 3集ゲリラコンサート-4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0JZNdARoqY -- kye sang overwhelmed "


pretty matured ya ... but oh i miss the heart :(
he didn't delay his army stint -- to the army he was lauded as an example setter, he was the very first member of a top idol group to enlist and not to delay enlisting :(

feb 26, 2010 0126hrs

thoughts with god ... just no time to do a dang !

blast from the past --
" 1 aug 2009, 12:34
... thinking about the disconnect between the impish jumping around rock boy and the present actorly image ...

its a wonder also makes me wonder much how he came to the decision to leave this band of brothers though no doubt as they grew older, they must each have come to know better their own dreams and ambitions which may have meant it becoming that much harder to stay together as a group when each's point of focus begins to change. perhaps kye sang was just earlier than the rest in voicing the need to move on to new ground?

here's a nov 3, 2005 post from dabin9307 quoting kye sang himself as saying "When asked about the possible breakup in an interview in early October KyeSang said, "Yes I'm getting hate mail and all and it hasn't been pleasant but it was my choice and will not deny or run away from it. If anything I was the lowest member in terms of talent and ambition and am sure the rest of the members will do fine without me."

hard but nonetheless brave words considering where g.o.d had come from ...

another one from youtube --yoon kyesang http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuHsfnmndA4 "


i wonder??
i think the period with the contract woes cut really deep back then and ks broke from the group, probably lots of hurtful feelings back then even if god or pjy didn't come out to say anything, the fact that they were apart in that kind of way says it all. it'll be a miracle if ks re-joins the group ...

feb 17, 2010 0044hrs

entertainment weekly today guerilla interview -- 2AM said their idols have always beem members of god

feb 16, 2010 0053hrs

shoots! last episode of sang sang plus
and this was where kye sang made his "come back" to variety
must get around to updating that episode
the god 2PM episode clip of hoi, tae woo and danny doing a marvellous again and again, was re-aired; aww, they really are the best

feb 15, 2010 0117hrs

can't wait to catch that golden bell episode with danny on it!
he really has a reputation for sulking ... that was played to cute effect on that dream tea, episode teasing minho

feb 7, 2010 2219hrs

just had to update after today's dream team!

danny's wish for 2010 to become a beloved(?) actor
best of all he had words for fans - that god members continue to work hard with success this year, and a promise that god would be back, said he knew there were many waiting and asked for a little more time for god

to think-
negatively, there'll definitely be no yoon kye sang
positively, there's always hope as long as we're all alive

jan 31, 2010 1557hr

pc down for the entire week -- free anti-virus my foot?!

park jinyeong today on sketchbook
what a lucky guy -- he just loves what he's doing and has all that talent to match up

pjy will be away in usa to manage wonder girls and will be back in korea only in the winter
he intends to try and win the daesang for himself this time and mentioned he will do so with singers from god, 2pm, etc

hooray! hopefully this means god will be back on the radar a lot
he won daesangs for god's lies and road

counting down to wed ...

jan 17, 2010 2355hrs

dec 25, 2009
christmas edition of invincible youth
was so excited hoyoung was one the guests ... but annoyingly tae woo was away at some concert rehearsal?! had hoped for some mini god reunion of sorts but host commented if one was one the program then the other could not be on it -- true? before it went into an explanation why tae woo was not on

hoi paired with sunny ... nice
narsha gave up shinee member to stick with the gag concert actor ... her choice?

comedian hwi sun also there ... but as always when there ae the idols and the less good looking ones there, all these comments and plays kinda putting down those with lesser looks; this is our society?
and one candle was played :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXjzDwu3dsE

oh ... and all the girls charged forward when hoi appeared ... that's how well known he still is
he said he came on the program cos sunny asked for him on one of the episodes ... and he continued with his gratitude by choosing to pair with her and giving his gift to her. sunny's gesture, hoi's response all say so much ... think of the response to a god reunion ... the fans are still out there just older

jan 16, 2010 0049hrs

13 jan 2010
late -- god's 11th anniversary -- god bless!


just too much's happening with the start of the year
doesn't feel like its gonna to be a good year


enough time at the comp for the day!

jan 6, 2010 0158hrs

reminisce ...
god- love and memory, lie, road
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjFYZu8MzpU
tae woo for keeping god alive!!!!
just his very presence shouts god; same goes for seeing danny only on a lower key since hardly see him singing these days; the feeling with hoi's kinda different??



7 chapters of songs-

chapter 1 (jan 26, 1999)-
the audio links are up this day
had accumulated stuff -- these related to chapter 1 songs -- during the heady rush to learn about god; sharing it here before the links are gone

whole chapter 1 in audio-http://www.1ting.com/album/b6/album_22640.html

1. INTRO
http://www.1ting.com/player/33/player_283378.html -- audio

2. AN OBSERVATION/ 관찰 / Kwanchal
http://video.cyworld.com/113692922 -- early performance
http://video.cyworld.com/clip/view?video_seq=11528445 -- mv
http://video.cyworld.com/clip/view?video_seq=11261929 -- 1999 dream concert
http://video.cyworld.com/clip/view?video_seq=11051321 -- earlier performance
http://video.cyworld.com/clip/view?video_seq=56039689 -- music station
http://video.cyworld.com/clip/view?video_seq=14167285 -- concert
http://video.cyworld.com/14379343 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMn9tmjoaKc -- human concert
http://video.cyworld.com/205966600 -- early performance (+ to mother)

3. TRY TO WAIT FOR ME / 날 기다려줘 / Nal Kidaryojwo
http://www.1ting.com/player/33/player_283380.html -- audio

4. WITH SMALL MEN / 작은남자들과 함께 / Chageun Namjadulkwa Hamgge
http://www.56.com/w75/play_album-aid-7513622_vid-MTI2MjgzNTU.html -- seoul 2001 concert
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKbPDIi7eng&feature=related -- early part of human concert

5. FOR YOU / 난 너에게 / Nan Noyege
http://www.1ting.com/player/33/player_283382.html -- audio

6. TO MOTHER / 어머님께 / Eomonimgge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTeyexk_quU -- sang sang plus 2009 at 6:47 god's debut performance! (start of perf only)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1X1-LIKYA-8&feature=related -- fr 1:03 real early perf (partial)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wySZwOYUMog -- early perf !! (+ an observation) promoting chapter 1?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P2tpZgndHU -- mv english subbed
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeyOiZ_OGCY -- later perf nice - human concert period
http://video.cyworld.com/clip/view?video_seq=206859812 -- early performance 2000 mnet music video festival- to mother + love and memory + lie
http://video.cyworld.com/17379568 -- sound better
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAneXWj_huM -- picture quality better
http://video.cyworld.com/clip/view?video_seq=90037099 -- nice human concert period (+ love and memory + lie)
http://video.cyworld.com/clip/view?video_seq=83212246 -- early performance
http://www.tudou.com/playlist/playindex.do?lid=3687727&iid=15541917&cid=14 -- seoul 2001 concert
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5gO0SsP5AI -- human concert period (+ love and memory + lie + road)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVVRO0NiHFk -- music bank (+ an ordinary day)

7. SO THAT YOU CAN COME BACK / 니가 다시 돌아올수 있도록 / Niga Dashi Doraholsu Itdorok
http://www.56.com/w52/play_album-aid-5300703_vid-MzQ3MTE5ODg.html -- human concert period (not ting right?)
http://www.56.com/w52/play_album-aid-5300703_vid-MzQ3NDg5NTY_o-0.html -- seoul 2001 concert

8. PROMISE / 약속 / Yaksok
http://www.1ting.com/player/33/player_283385.html -- audio

9. WHY ME AGAIN? / 왜 또 다시 난 / Wae Ddo Dashi Nan
http://www.1ting.com/player/33/player_283386.html -- audio

10. BAD GIRL / 나쁜여자 / Nabbeun Yoja
http://www.1ting.com/player/33/player_283387.html -- audio

jan 1, 2010 2227hrs

happy that the year ended quietly with no major health incidents

http://www.allkpop.com/index.php/full_story/kbs_gayo_daejun_kim_tae_woo_baek_ji_young_and_shin_seung_hoon_bring_iris/

dec 30, 2009
tae woo- dreaming a dream
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lPhNTjN6V4
nothing communicates like music



it all started jul 27, 2009 with yoon kye sang's who are you?
"Jul 27 2009, 04:20 AM
hi everyone ... been looking for a yks thread to hang out at and get information in english. this looks like a great place to start! am in the process of reading through the 200+ pages of goldmine here. thank you very much for it all.
and yes, he was pretty marvellous in who are you?. competently juggling the 2 roles concurrently, one minute as the ever cheerful and happy song il geon and the next as the lonely and slowly coming to life cha seung hyo. simply charming how one can be so goofy and yet so hunkalicious at the same time.
having looked at some of the g.o.d. clips and photos, its ??? (what's the word i'm looking for??) to see on the one hand the humorous smiley boy of the variety programs and then the hunky dude in the concerts -- wa totally like 2 different persons :) the role of cha seung hyo seems to have been written specially with him in mind ... but then again maybe he just did a very good job with it."

god- as long as you love me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8j7TFHsYzQ

yoon kye sang fancam